That’s us!

I always stop by and try to leave something useful, amusing perhaps but I don´t. It does not happen. I’m not supposed to be writing indeed but here I am; using the few words in English I think I know. 

Someone wrote that the lambs went to vote for the plebiscite last July the 16^th; and with lambs he meant all those who want Maduro out. He wrote lambs with a certain pejorative try like we were just headless followers who don´t think and just obey the opposition representatives. We’re the lambs, right! 

Someone else wrote that the opposition wanted their dead; yes, their dead. The surely not-lamb-ones see one another with a kind of skeptical (and therefore, of course) interesting touch. Those ones, who claim eleven million citizens went (and here yes) to their rehearsal the same day, who claim that their National Constituent Assembly will solve all the problems because now on every single issue Venezuelans have will be a command in the next constitution. I wonder why State don´t begin by complying the current commands. Instead, they want to change the whole book, the whole law. 

Today it is the third day of august. Four days after the not-lamb-ones’ election. Eight million voters they claimed but no one believed for a simple fact: it is impossible that after losing the former election (because around five million vote for them) they now overcome with three million more considering the country is in its worst time ever, ever, ever… 

As I started saying, I’m not supposed to be writing. In fact the first two paragraphs came on two weeks ago. Since then I’ve been just letting the days pass by with a lot to yell but nothing to say. 

And I say nothing because no one cares. We are living under a time in which every person speaks only for itself. I’ve had a lot of talking with people I care about; I listen to them: If it´s worrying; I get worry, if it’s  good things; I get happy for it, but when I tell them something – something of their talk, not something about myself – they don´t listen. I think people need a pair of eyes and ears paying attention just to feel comfortable at talking. 

People need to feel heard but in a one way direction. Let’s say I just want to be heard without listening or something like that… 

Yesterday I was watching how a person simply doesn’t care about the one who’s with. I was having a cup of coffee (which means luxury nowadays here in Caracas) I was having a milky coffee, I was reading some news I got distracted by a couple sitting on the table in front. I looked at them, pretty; both: he was trying to understand what’s being broadcasted on TV and she was staring at the cell phone. Maybe, just maybe around ten minutes went by and they didn’t say a word to each other. I could see him looking at her, waiting, waiting for her to look back but it didn’t happen, at least it didn’t happen when he was aware. She saw him, she saw him watching the program, maybe wondering why he smiled but without trying to understand the program. I said to myself he could be me, any of them actually. How many times have I expected a reply when I’m taking, what I’m talking about? How many times? I don’t know. Now I write and pretend there’s someone reading this. I’m now in an open space office. My boss can easily see everything I’m writing but she doesn’t understand English, not that I know so far. It will be funny realizing this is well understood but I trust myself. Besides, this is sort of therapeutic…  

You may probably know of this way we’re being provided with groceries. Venezuelans (some, not all, and it is an issue of course) must pay a fee – a very cheap one, but still – we must pay a fee for getting a box with some food supplies, which prices, in the free market, are much higher; let’s say this is what the government came up to deal with the economic war they invented and many believe. This is the thing: there will be a riot tomorrow, let’s not call it a coup, let´s better say a protest: there’ll be a protest against the government tomorrow (there’s been a lot of protests since 2014)  but tomorrow it will be one of these days in which the government is delivering the food boxes... People need it, many are starving, therefore poor ones, Maduro supporters or not, will not attend at the protest, they´re going to be waiting on line for a box of food. And maybe, in order to keep this war going on, boxes won’t be delivered… That’s us!

relativized

So many eyes around for my taste. I believe this is less understood if I try it in English. Not a good one, I know. I’ve already taken I don´t know how many English tests to apply for a better job here or there and the result is the same: not qualified, not good enough but, since I’m keeping these wills held in my mind, I guess I better do something at least, at least this. 

Strategy has become a much use word, so much that everything appears to be strategic, such as this assembly pro-government people continue to promote, for example. There’s a vague idea of how democracy should be and even so, people is persuaded to validate, through vote, the end of it. There we’ll be gone, taken, moved to or, whatever other action that implies no will. 

On the other hand, strategists look quite optimistic. The way I see it this seems sort of a tribute to resentment. Finally, after all these years envying and collecting anger at it, pro-government ones will see their happiness in our sorrow. It will be theirs too but they don´t care, our unfortunate fate represents the class overcoming left wing thinkers dreamed of. I used to be that way. Not proud of at all but I did, and despite the things I’ve learned, I can´t help feeling sad and guilty of this situation. Let’s say I woke up several years ago but it may have been late by that time, I’m not sure and sureness won’t matter soon anymore. 

Sense started lacking, I’ve seen it coming both ways, especially my own. I’m losing some logic with every day that goes by. Some time ago I was so eager and furious for increasing my income and now I wonder what I am supposed to do with such a thing, I mean, what will I pay for? I wanted to move to another country, I still do but it looks more like a fantasy nowadays. Maybe this is what I need money for, but the thing with the value of the money here in Venezuela is, I don't know. I mean, how could I call it? Relativized, that’s the word it defines us all and all we do, sanity included, Past too, we’ve decided to remember and forget if it suits our current being and so it goes. Venezuela seems to be over by July 30^th, I mean, it is relative; if you’re following me. 

Hope this to continue, if the only place affordable for me to travel is madness, at least I would like to leave some words before… best regards!

Bossy

There’s a big traffic jam east road. Protesters claim once again against the government; against this guy and his cabinet, and once again; they are bombed and repealed. Some bosses claim too, they do it against employees. Since inspiration is no longer reachable everything lies on commands only: the one thing pro government bosses have left. Curious fact that an employee, specially a boss, may support government’s policies. Here such a thing is possible and that is the question I wanted to leave with these words: may it be true resentment is so powerful that supporters don’t care about watching how the country sinks? – I honestly don´t know if the question is understood, if it is a right English – the thing is I thought it was so; not the grammar, the doubt. I thought people raise this anger as crop to one day spice up their sorrows and become able to show fake security and optimism; just like the government does. Resented people enjoy infortune, and currently they are ruling every single institution of the Estate... for now!