There
comes a time in which you’ve finally accepted it. The thing is start living
with it. I’m not sure if it’s my case yet, I believe, in spite of my acceptance,
there’s more to learn still, but I´m trying, and that’s what moves these words
to be part of a message; this message: I’ve said more than once there’re
several yous inside every person you
interact with, and that those yous
are not entirely made by yourself but the impression of – let’s call them – ‘carriers’
may have about you: friends, spouses, family, whoever you interact.
A sense of uncomforting shows up before your feelings when you try really hard
to look cool to the carriers; you role play a funny, tough, cool, burnout,
wealthy, and whatever archetypes you come up with to establish some sort of connection
with those people you care. I’m writing it again: those yous are not entirely made by yourself, maybe not made by you at
all. Time goes by, fast and slowly and you start feeling dumb, mocked, lied, and
don´t know exactly why because you try different, but then you begin to
understand. You’re not that funny, nor tough, nor burnout at all; wealth is a
political matter, at least here in Venezuela, therefore it’s not up to you, and
definitely: you’re not that cool. I’m not writing this to make anyone feel bad
about it. This is not a manifesto for rejected, no, it is not. This is a simple
exercise of consciousness with a simple affirmation: caring is a one way
street. When you care, or love, do it as you do have faith: with no
expectations. Feel free to embrace senses and enjoy them; not because of
someone, but because of yourself instead. Value grows high when you realize there’s
nothing to prove, and if it’s about improving, let it be as an inner command,
because inner commands make you better despite carriers’ images of you. It
seems to be impossible, and it is probably so. The concept of value tends to be
built, in part, according to the influence of the people around; again: friends,
spouses, family; carriers. I call them like that because they carry inside an
image of every person they know individually, just like you and me do. We’re
carriers ourselves, but not of ourselves, if you know what I mean; and I think
you do. Let’s picture a mirror, you see your reflex, but we’re talking about
the reflex according to image of yourself; I might not be seeing you the same way
regardless we both stand in front of the same mirror. The same happens to you,
and now I am easy at it: I don´t know how do I look from your eyes facing the
mirror, but I know for sure that’s not entirely me; therefore, If you’re sure
your are not those carriers’ yous,
You start focusing and begin to identify inner commands. The ones that tell you
it is fine to have a blog and post how you feel and what you may learn from it…
