expect it and despise it

A second. Just a second went by meanwhile everything was black: from blur to black, then, after that second, it got blurry again, as if trying with a lens. It was desperate until finally seeing and breathing got back to my body. I saw the faces of my workmates crying; mine as well: I felt it. The partner who was pressing around me all that time told me: you freaked us out! Are you ok? I just hugged him, by instinct, by feeling, it doesn’t matter. I can write still these shitty posts thanks to him. 

Last time I had a blood test was… I don´t even remember: three, four years ago. I was ordered to have it so. Everyone is scared now: my mother, my wife, the guys from work. A blood test costs half of a month pay; not affordable to my taste and there’s no point, besides, I felt bad only that moment, I’m ok now, nevertheless there’s the insurance policy, so I did what I had to and now, with a little luck, I may get it within a couple of days. 

Last week -as all these weeks we’re living under this perspective- the president announced he’s going to -like it actually were his money- give the people what equals a little more than our minimal salary, as a bonus for Carnival. In Venezuela there are many things we don’t take too serious, not the case of holydays. Holydays are very important here. Before falling into this regime, people made plans for traveling across the country, going to the beach, buy a lot liquor; but, like I’ve just written: it was before this regime… nowadays and, if one’s able, we better stay home and watch a lot of TV. The things is: these announcements are confusing many people. At every line where people got used to wait: the bakery (for buying six pieces of bread) the bank (for withdrawing ten thousand bolívares which no one can buy even a small chocolate bar; it costs almost three times that cash) the supermarket (just to get lucky if finding a price regulated something) and some other places, people talk about it on the streets: some agree and also praise for such a gesture from the government, some others don’t and it doesn’t mean they won’t be expecting the bonus, everyone expects it and despises it (except the praise ones, of course) and my point with this is that needs come first and also needs don’t take too much wondering the right and wrong of actions, in spite of social networks preach…

Social networks has become the alleviation of the former middle class (I put it this way because there isn’t such a thing anymore) and we’re so into it that we actually see posts as real actions: anger, complaint, flattering; also knowing, analyzing, news, tastes, many things; many things are now gotten by the approach of this media, and this media is telling us even how to think and say to thus just follow… and we’re following, especially those ones who claim themselves independent and controversial then we judge; judge this, that and each other…