First page V

Again,  What if this has always been like That? I think I can remember a couple of movies with such a topic. I am pretty sure I might have read something from Phillip Dick or Asimov suggesting it so. It think my English might not be enough to convey this but you guys will understand I kind of need to practice.  Warehouses are no place for that. The language of the obedience is something we all might know even when we don't want to but the language of the questioning is something that immigrants don't do too often. Perhaps  for catharsis, and not in front of  anyone. In fact that is why I have to write it, because few people I know may have some insights about it. We mostly get comfortable at the following two choices: deny it or reduce it to a joke. Venezuelans are good at this. Satirizing might be a word for this case.

Satirizing obeys to a need we have when we are in pain due to a situation we simply cannot solve. For instance the political situation of our country: we try to reduce the tyrants to puppets so we can laugh at them and get some sort of relieve to keep bearing the fact we left a life we might not get back ever again. In my case, this new life gave me a purpose,  and there's nothing better to keep going than having a purpose. My purpose are my children: the one I have and the one coming up within 8 or 9 months from these words. So let's keep going. However I feel my fellow countrymen. Despite there are a couple of things I find hard to get, I can understand that sometimes all this attitude follows a sort of let go sentiment and that is just a way to carry on. Sometimes I wonder if it is the same impulse that has me over thinking to a point of creating this parallel reality, in which I no longer owe money and finally enjoy with my family. Expectations changes big over the years. I used to dream a lot with stages and big crowds while performing. Now those moments that never occurred,  by the way, are more like spread in the air from an exhalation that came with someone’s drag: smoke faith fade; and fades….

A summer morning. One of those where sun rises at 5:20 AM. We don’t have that, we’re more like an hour later. Seasons are not felt the same way. We’re used to different weathers…  Denial. It is not happening to me, I guess. Maybe these words are my denial. I’m not sure anymore. I keep thinking about the futility of my efforts. Let’s go back with my fellows and what they do. What we do, indeed.  We still gather and drink and talk about how good our lives used to be in a time of a progress so announced and expected. Did it come? An illusion came, an illusion. Yes, there were better moments then, but I have come to think that those past glories, counted as such, lies more in this cultural fact about salary, about college education. The Venezuelan system got a new law for labor enforcement, that was, if I’m not wrong, right after Chávez proclamation, at least not so many months later. 

There’s no point in finding the exact date. In our culture,  people, public employees mostly, get paid despite their attendance. We got used to get paid to belong and not for the work done, which means, among a variety of insights,  that features such as physical appearance,  political beliefs, social status, and several others,  were the primary ones taken in consideration when hiring someone, rather than his curriculum,  or even the experience. Even the expertise was a  secondary feature, and we are talking about a whole cultural system. So you could come late, leave early, take more time to lunch, and in some cases, prioritize your social media accounts over the things you are supposed to do at work. Imagine the strength of the impact, now that we crossed through the window of cultures to the rest of the world. Imagine those fellows realizing of the difference: maybe that's why we stick to past times in present tense on every other memory. It's is kind of like we fuel ourselves with it, so we need it to load us up and keep going with the life we've chosen. Did we choose it or we’ve been forced to? I assume it was our choice, but for some reason it  bothers me. I'm aware it is not my problem, and that I may be projecting something within towards such an attitude, but I can't help it. You see, as a species we evolve to survive, and the fact that these people keep popping up this sort of pose, trying to look like some cool, somehow made me feel lost.  We all know that it might not have been so, because otherwise we wouldn't be here trying to get a supervisor's order right, with the English we should have learned by now, given the time we've been in here. It is a process,  we all need to learn, but there’s still something I can’t get right.