That’s us!

I always stop by and try to leave something useful, amusing perhaps but I don´t. It does not happen. I’m not supposed to be writing indeed but here I am; using the few words in English I think I know. 

Someone wrote that the lambs went to vote for the plebiscite last July the 16^th; and with lambs he meant all those who want Maduro out. He wrote lambs with a certain pejorative try like we were just headless followers who don´t think and just obey the opposition representatives. We’re the lambs, right! 

Someone else wrote that the opposition wanted their dead; yes, their dead. The surely not-lamb-ones see one another with a kind of skeptical (and therefore, of course) interesting touch. Those ones, who claim eleven million citizens went (and here yes) to their rehearsal the same day, who claim that their National Constituent Assembly will solve all the problems because now on every single issue Venezuelans have will be a command in the next constitution. I wonder why State don´t begin by complying the current commands. Instead, they want to change the whole book, the whole law. 

Today it is the third day of august. Four days after the not-lamb-ones’ election. Eight million voters they claimed but no one believed for a simple fact: it is impossible that after losing the former election (because around five million vote for them) they now overcome with three million more considering the country is in its worst time ever, ever, ever… 

As I started saying, I’m not supposed to be writing. In fact the first two paragraphs came on two weeks ago. Since then I’ve been just letting the days pass by with a lot to yell but nothing to say. 

And I say nothing because no one cares. We are living under a time in which every person speaks only for itself. I’ve had a lot of talking with people I care about; I listen to them: If it´s worrying; I get worry, if it’s  good things; I get happy for it, but when I tell them something – something of their talk, not something about myself – they don´t listen. I think people need a pair of eyes and ears paying attention just to feel comfortable at talking. 

People need to feel heard but in a one way direction. Let’s say I just want to be heard without listening or something like that… 

Yesterday I was watching how a person simply doesn’t care about the one who’s with. I was having a cup of coffee (which means luxury nowadays here in Caracas) I was having a milky coffee, I was reading some news I got distracted by a couple sitting on the table in front. I looked at them, pretty; both: he was trying to understand what’s being broadcasted on TV and she was staring at the cell phone. Maybe, just maybe around ten minutes went by and they didn’t say a word to each other. I could see him looking at her, waiting, waiting for her to look back but it didn’t happen, at least it didn’t happen when he was aware. She saw him, she saw him watching the program, maybe wondering why he smiled but without trying to understand the program. I said to myself he could be me, any of them actually. How many times have I expected a reply when I’m taking, what I’m talking about? How many times? I don’t know. Now I write and pretend there’s someone reading this. I’m now in an open space office. My boss can easily see everything I’m writing but she doesn’t understand English, not that I know so far. It will be funny realizing this is well understood but I trust myself. Besides, this is sort of therapeutic…  

You may probably know of this way we’re being provided with groceries. Venezuelans (some, not all, and it is an issue of course) must pay a fee – a very cheap one, but still – we must pay a fee for getting a box with some food supplies, which prices, in the free market, are much higher; let’s say this is what the government came up to deal with the economic war they invented and many believe. This is the thing: there will be a riot tomorrow, let’s not call it a coup, let´s better say a protest: there’ll be a protest against the government tomorrow (there’s been a lot of protests since 2014)  but tomorrow it will be one of these days in which the government is delivering the food boxes... People need it, many are starving, therefore poor ones, Maduro supporters or not, will not attend at the protest, they´re going to be waiting on line for a box of food. And maybe, in order to keep this war going on, boxes won’t be delivered… That’s us!

Changes and Chances

Since I know I should be leaving a few words written before I go, here it is. I’m trying to come up with something while typing these letters, but I don´t know, nothing comes and I probably won´t have any other chance until tomorrow perhaps, perhaps not even; let’s see… 

Three days ago we’ve heard about some changes at the economic scenario (in Venezuela there’s always an important and vital change that will decide our fate – this time – for good) Changes lately turn into more waiting lines to  be standing and less chances for people’s achievements of any kind. Now something has just come up, in English, which is good I guess. We’ve been forced to establish a sort of cruel relation between Changes and Chances. It is only a letter you substitute, but it’s a whole different thought and this is when the cruelty arises: every change the government ordains actually kills somebody’s chance. So food and toilette paper are not the only thing we’re lacking (I know you’ve heard some about it) we’re running out of chances by executive orders. I know these previous words look foolishly tragic and it’s not the point. The fact the chances get less pushes everyone do something (I’m writing to you, for example) A new concept of hope is now going along with people’s doings. A pretty girls tries harder to look prettier because now she knows pretty won’t be enough anymore, and something similar happens with a robber too, he also tries harder, especially with the problem of the bills. I hope myself too. That’s why this blog exists…

I’m running out of time, by the way. Thank you, for every time, for everything…

yous

There comes a time in which you’ve finally accepted it. The thing is start living with it. I’m not sure if it’s my case yet, I believe, in spite of my acceptance, there’s more to learn still, but I´m trying, and that’s what moves these words to be part of a message; this message: I’ve said more than once there’re several yous inside every person you interact with, and that those yous are not entirely made by yourself but the impression of – let’s call them – ‘carriers’ may have about you: friends, spouses, family, whoever you interact. A sense of uncomforting shows up before your feelings when you try really hard to look cool to the carriers; you role play a funny, tough, cool, burnout, wealthy, and whatever archetypes you come up with to establish some sort of connection with those people you care. I’m writing it again: those yous are not entirely made by yourself, maybe not made by you at all. Time goes by, fast and slowly and you start feeling dumb, mocked, lied, and don´t know exactly why because you try different, but then you begin to understand. You’re not that funny, nor tough, nor burnout at all; wealth is a political matter, at least here in Venezuela, therefore it’s not up to you, and definitely: you’re not that cool. I’m not writing this to make anyone feel bad about it. This is not a manifesto for rejected, no, it is not. This is a simple exercise of consciousness with a simple affirmation: caring is a one way street. When you care, or love, do it as you do have faith: with no expectations. Feel free to embrace senses and enjoy them; not because of someone, but because of yourself instead.  Value grows high when you realize there’s nothing to prove, and if it’s about improving, let it be as an inner command, because inner commands make you better despite carriers’ images of you. It seems to be impossible, and it is probably so. The concept of value tends to be built, in part, according to the influence of the people around; again: friends, spouses, family; carriers. I call them like that because they carry inside an image of every person they know individually, just like you and me do. We’re carriers ourselves, but not of ourselves, if you know what I mean; and I think you do. Let’s picture a mirror, you see your reflex, but we’re talking about the reflex according to image of yourself; I might not be seeing you the same way regardless we both stand in front of the same mirror. The same happens to you, and now I am easy at it: I don´t know how do I look from your eyes facing the mirror, but I know for sure that’s not entirely me; therefore, If you’re sure your are not those carriers’ yous, You start focusing and begin to identify inner commands. The ones that tell you it is fine to have a blog and post how you feel and what you may learn from it…