Eleventh page IV

Noon. I like noon. It’s like the break time of the day. A break time indeed. Resistance is sounding in my ear. Once again, this is a movie, and we need a nice turn. The day has gone by and it got better as it got late. Night time must be coming within a few minutes. Everyone is on their own phone smiling and getting detached from routine in their own way, focusing on their own interests. We had a nice little chat. Again, about Venezuela. We concluded,  and I want to affirm it so, that we, the Venezuelans, could be, perhaps, the people with the thinnest, or smallest, social gap in the region. The poor, the rich and many in between get to meet at jobs and universities.  I understand it is not that way among our neighbors. Mexico,  or Colombia, don’t seem to be so. In fact they seem to be quite the opposite: a whole well determined social scale where they avoid to mix up one another. That might explain why we get to meet people on similar social status, and it is a bit different when it comes to us. That doesn’t mean anything,  really, but somehow it adds some perspective about our process and culture.

 

Not a good soundtrack now. Sometimes YouTube fails thinking I want to listen to the same every time. I’m going to choose silence for now. I’m a bit sleepy but I should do something useful, but I can’t.  I’m too distracted. Even at work. Another effect of several counted. Let’s try to go to bed since the night is here with all of the darkness and noisy silence.  It’s hot, by the way.  

 

The night is here again. No records from the day time. Too much work, perhaps.  It was a Thursday today, but there’s no point in throwing it back, or forth. Let’s talk about layers, planes. We start see our lives in three dimensions once we get the depths of our thoughts.  Why thoughts and not actions? Because actions tend to take place within two dimensions.  Depths are reserved for thoughts,  for thoughts that rarely become actions. There are a lot of reasons why. The mind holds them behind so they can become places to visit, to stay there for a while and think about the irony of a life that needs deep thought to live it simple. How complex a simple life gets to be! Soap operas. Venezuela is famous for it. Let’s go back to the places: our thoughts and the lake of memories where they swim when not drown. Again, resentment,  a resentful person has more like a beach of big waves: anything can cause a flooding.  We try to be careful, but we live in the open, in the open solitude.  A lot of noise from the phone to be interested in, to keep us distracted, watching something else,  wishing solutions to rain like coffee, like faith from the sky, from heaven. We set ourselves away from actions. Two dimensions are not enough anymore. We need likes and forwards. This is the way now.  See you tomorrow!

 

Missteps. They can be the joke that seals a moment of seriousness. A sudden misstep exposes you, it reveals a good part of the way you are, and such revelations may tell others how strong or weak is your personality. Some of them can really hurt. I just did in front of a few. Fortunately for me,  I don’t work with them.  Car waiting. Lack of faith hitting me. Wine is here to the rescue. In the middle of Mickey Mouse on TV and the voices of a Soap Opera coming from the other phone. I’m here with my thoughts,  with them, and with you. Help me figure out, please! I’ve done the math too many times. I know how much I need. I’m not asking wealth, I’m asking for a fresh start. I don’t even care about recognition. I do this because it’s better to have it offered than just talk about it like everyone else. I want my son to see I did it. I’ve done it. I wanted to make it and I got it. I don’t care about what may come along with it. You know I mean it, but please. I need the push, te help, call it whatever you want to call it. But I need it. I really need it. Don’t make me get desperate, please! You know my body starts to burst my stress. You know how I implode. I can’t afford to implode. Get me out of here, please! I’m begging you. Please. I commend myself to you… as always!

 

Friday night. Still day light but not for much. We went out at noon. It was good. At some point I lost it but it was a good time.  Second languages have that, we have to tune ourselves up like a radio frequency,  but sometimes the signal fails. Today it did. It was failing. I was trying to understand but I got behind so I decided to play the character of “El Diente Roto”. I’m not sure if there is indeed an English version called The broken tooth. In the story, the guy just stop talking, because of the broken tooth. So everyone took him for Wiseman because he remained silent. As I was today. And kind of like the story, it was nothing about wisdom. In my case, it was just lack of focus. Being poor is like having impotence by your side all the time, and learn to love it, accept it, embrace it. Any decision,  any attempt of whatever your feelings pushes for, will end up filtered by the impotence that make you company.  I want to get out: no, no? no, no! Just, no. Poor are forced to think twice and swallow it as bitter as it is. There are sweetener,  nor softener to take it better. And not taking it isn’t an option. It is also contagious: everyone around is bitter now: sad, angry. Impotence is quite a parasite. So fate says embrace it and faith says hold on. What I think about it doesn’t really matter.  Let’s play some music at least.