Tenth page VIII

 

The argument.  I’m not sure what I should have done. I have mastered the art of remain quiet but I spoke my mind and now I regret it, but the damage is done. I have to listen to the same unsolved (and unsolvable) problem from the past again and again for I don’t know how long. I have a beer now. I’m in mood for this, I guess. Sometimes I just to throw it all away and leave, but it’s not true. I’ve have taken a lot more. I’m a bearer. I was raised a bearer. I can’t undo it. This is my life. More beer, please!

 

Sun is leaving.  Warm weather wants to stay more. Too many fruit mosquitoes around. They like beer too, I guess.  They seem to like the screen of the phone too.  Music is on, but it’s kind of late to enjoy. I can use the company nonetheless. Coffee morning. Too early but it’s fine, I mean. I love these moments.  Let’s just watch TV and have some fun with the magnetic tiles. The day is joyful. It feels that way from the window and with the air conditioning at maximum. Diaper change time, literally and figuratively. We were talking about luck, coincidence or that it's just not for us. I wonder, we always wonder. Accepting it is not going to happen soon or easily.  It’s too hard not to compare. Immigrants are just very prone to it: if it’s working for them, why not for us? It’s unavoidable.  Viral. I want to talk a little bit about things gone viral, or so we say when people we know see the same post and we get this sense it might be worldwide or something like that. Let’s try to break it down. An Instagram profile, video, post; why do we say that any of them has gone viral? I want to start by bringing up that, maybe, we call it that way as some sort of evolved term derived from old school press, TV and Radio commercials, and the concept of spread (which is more related to viral) give us this sense of unstoppable success, because everybody wants to be somehow in, because everyone is infected, right? I lost such an illusion when I was nineteen; I was playing in a band and we have this song we believed it might be a hit. After meeting with I don’t know how many people, we got the chance to talk to a sort of executive,  who told us, just like that, that to play the song a number of times a day, we had to pay a certain amount of money,  money we didn’t have, money we never had. That was in the late nineties,  almost thirty years from these words. I understood since then, that the outbreak of a virus – and now I can add; of any kind – is just produced, made up, generated, or whatever other applicable verb, by an interested part. The viral maker, or some shit. So, nowadays, when we scroll for about an hour, watching videos and photos of guys dressing like girls, or these so called nutrition coaches; telling you not to drink soda or eat flour, or hot women dancing, or quotes with unknown or unverified sources. All of that. The Reggaeton,  especially the Reggaeton: these things go viral by someone with resources, and it would be interesting to understand why such material is pushed to occupy space and time in people’s mind. I mean, this has got to a point where many of us know more about that than about our own history,  for example.  I understand late, but at least I got it, that time is an asset, a valuable asset, but I’m not sure how valuable it could be to the guy who funds these healthy lifestyle coaches. How profitable can my time be to it, to them, to him? I’m not sure. I lost track. I lost perspective too. Viral it is, viral it is what they say and do.

 

Monday.  Holiday.  Morning. Sugar levels are fine. The ear is fine. We’re fine. Only the clouds are showing themselves gray. It looks like they want to rain. They did it for a while last night. Laundry day. Soup day. Let’s find something useful to do. As a matter of fact I did. It’s beer time now. The long weekend is gone. Work tomorrow.  Let’s just hope again. I have the music, the mood. I found more new songs to enjoy. I could play all these days with my boy. I can see his progress, his temper. I’m always marveled by the way I think he’ getting things: how he relates what he does with what he says. It’s just great. Sometimes I feel like crying. I’m so proud but I’m also amazed.  The phone is playing songs by itself. I wonder if it’s a virus. It doesn’t seem harmful anyway.  Time for bed. See you later. 

 

I Have jus read something about our image.  It says something like we care more about the image we project than our very selves. I got caught for a little while by the sentence. It had some judgmental vibe. Of course we care more about the image we project. We need to. The society has gone online in so many ways. We must be found or we don’t exist. We have to exist, and if we are going to tell a new story about us, of course it has to be one that pleases us, and we are hardly pleased by the truth of ourselves. Too many beers last night to wake up this early and go to work. I’m in a time wasting mode, or wasting time mode on. Slow movements. Good morning everyone!

 

The moon during the daylight has always seem to me as a good sign. A sign that the day will bring some sort of good news; good vibes at least. Car waiting and mirror looking. Let’s take a picture of it, of us. Today looks promising. Let’s preserve this feeling as a shelter, so we can be in during the storm.