I need focus. I
have spent too much time on social media. Time that won’t come back. Time I
have just wasted. What will those apps do with that? It’s clear that we’re taken
our time. Time we weren’t going to turn into money, to be honest, but now that
I think about it, perhaps they do, I mean they can. They can get fueled up from
our time and convert it into money. So when they say feed, that’s means we feed
them. We feed the system with our time. I can’t remember last time I allowed
myself to get lost in a book store, in a
library, I’m actually forgetting the
things I have read. I was trying to explain my brother what it’s going to
happen with House Of The Dragon, since I have read Fire and Blood, but I just
couldn’t, I remember nothing, only a couple of things.
What is happening to my memory? Am I not only giving my
time away but my memory too? I have to think a lot about this. I hope you all
help me out.
We need a character for this question. I have to come
here. There’s no one to talk to, and I spend too much time on social media
trying to get an unwanted answer that never comes. I haven’t found my way out. I
guess I need to redirect my own attention. This time should not be wasted on
people who don’t give a damn about me. I’m tired. I should take a little walk,
or get a book, I guess. This spend-and-pose type of life is consuming me, and
don’t even have to cut my hair. Let’s redirect.
The voice of my silence. The words that can’t say out
loud. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. I’m sorry couldn’t do better.
You were a gift from God. Your presence. Now I’m going to be alone again. Alone
again between the social media and the smoke. That’s how we start to fade.
That’s how we join the oblivion. Me and my memories. Me and my silent desires,
watching how fat I look into the black mirror and the white screen; feeding
myself with fantasies and vestiges of past glories. Happy Halloween the whole year, the only good
thing. Challenging, but good. Good and
worthy, like a glass of wine on a Monday night with no occasion, with the voice that can’t be heard.
Those little light bulbs on electric devices, the ones
that remain on and bright to let know the machine is off but also plugged, and
plugged means it can be turned on at any time, at will. That’s how expectations
decorate a living room nowadays; plugged machines on off, expecting to be used.
Am I expecting to be used as well? I want something else. I want you!
We’re more everyday.
I’m not sure if that is actually a good thing. There is this dilemma: we
don’t want to be alone but we want to feel ourselves exclusive. We want to be more but we don’t want to tell
any other story but ours. It’s kind of hard. It could be some sort of
dialectical. The Venezuelan dialectical; we want to increase in population but
without stop being the only Venezuelans in town. It’s not easy, we all feel it.
Why can’t I stop eating for Christ sake!
Maybe I’m tired of watching children videos. Not
really. It is what it is. The day has
finally arrived. We cried. I cried. I cry every time I step into something;
anything, that she use in the house. We’ll be missing her terribly. I want to call this challenges from the poor;
or poverty. I’m not sure which one
conveys the message I’m trying to send. So, poverty challenges: forced
farewells among them, why? Because we never know when we’ll get to able and
afford. Affordability is an issue, for sure. So, see you someday, when faith empowers
us and not only over mindsets, but over pay capability as well.
A new week comes, and it comes with the routines: the meetings, the documentation, the early breakfast, so we don’t have to spend on it. A new promise, a new expectations awaits…
Nothing awaits. It is just our need for illusions that
tries hard to keep expectations, so we
think something must come up, or soon. We vow for a good surprise, for a
blessing. Only that the bless seems to
be cursed.
I was waiting for the red light to turn green and pass
but I opened my eyes and found myself watching tv with the baby on my side. I’m
sleepy. Tomorrow it has to be great. Let the music flow around. It worked out, just
for day, but it worked out. Now I have to get some rest and postpone this
anxiety for having sex.
