yous

There comes a time in which you’ve finally accepted it. The thing is start living with it. I’m not sure if it’s my case yet, I believe, in spite of my acceptance, there’s more to learn still, but I´m trying, and that’s what moves these words to be part of a message; this message: I’ve said more than once there’re several yous inside every person you interact with, and that those yous are not entirely made by yourself but the impression of – let’s call them – ‘carriers’ may have about you: friends, spouses, family, whoever you interact. A sense of uncomforting shows up before your feelings when you try really hard to look cool to the carriers; you role play a funny, tough, cool, burnout, wealthy, and whatever archetypes you come up with to establish some sort of connection with those people you care. I’m writing it again: those yous are not entirely made by yourself, maybe not made by you at all. Time goes by, fast and slowly and you start feeling dumb, mocked, lied, and don´t know exactly why because you try different, but then you begin to understand. You’re not that funny, nor tough, nor burnout at all; wealth is a political matter, at least here in Venezuela, therefore it’s not up to you, and definitely: you’re not that cool. I’m not writing this to make anyone feel bad about it. This is not a manifesto for rejected, no, it is not. This is a simple exercise of consciousness with a simple affirmation: caring is a one way street. When you care, or love, do it as you do have faith: with no expectations. Feel free to embrace senses and enjoy them; not because of someone, but because of yourself instead.  Value grows high when you realize there’s nothing to prove, and if it’s about improving, let it be as an inner command, because inner commands make you better despite carriers’ images of you. It seems to be impossible, and it is probably so. The concept of value tends to be built, in part, according to the influence of the people around; again: friends, spouses, family; carriers. I call them like that because they carry inside an image of every person they know individually, just like you and me do. We’re carriers ourselves, but not of ourselves, if you know what I mean; and I think you do. Let’s picture a mirror, you see your reflex, but we’re talking about the reflex according to image of yourself; I might not be seeing you the same way regardless we both stand in front of the same mirror. The same happens to you, and now I am easy at it: I don´t know how do I look from your eyes facing the mirror, but I know for sure that’s not entirely me; therefore, If you’re sure your are not those carriers’ yous, You start focusing and begin to identify inner commands. The ones that tell you it is fine to have a blog and post how you feel and what you may learn from it…

A tiny tale for a big tale…

There’s an interesting perspective when you see how some expectations work; for instance at alcoholic anonymous meeting: those who don´t have full sordid story, don´t feel right with themselves; such a thing seems to be the goal at being there. A musician is participating in a festival and instead of feeling like going to do the best, feels wrong at the fact of not being shown off enough. A married girl, happily married girl, feels like she need to find herself attractive by getting flirts from someone who’s not her husband; let’s say the husband is an already conquered land and, at least in a way, she feels she needs the chance of expansion, and expansion is also an issue, a teenage issue; vestiges of the unsolved. I toke this from Douglas Coupland: “It's not healthy to live life as a succession of isolated little cool moments. [Either our lives become stories, or there's just no way to get through them.]” and this is probably what the issue is about: we have not yet gotten through our little stories and there’s a big tale nowadays which involves us all. We, the Venezuelans, must deal with the fact that after almost twenty years gathering cool moments, there is indeed a bigger scenario and it demands everyone do something for the country… Yes, but what’s it? I mean, there can be a common thought; a collective idea of it, but just that and it’s obviously not enough. Who’s going to step forward? Stand? Lead? There are many, there are some, but that’s just potential and this is what we should be debating in order to get through it: Postmodernism is gone, little cool memories are no longer defining us, there’s more, there’s something wider, for instance more important, and when such a thing finally gets inside us all, we’ll make changes happen. But for now, let’s hope, expect, wait, support, and stand for…